Self Steam

I know it is SELF ESTEEM but once I overheard a Panamanian colleague with a heavy accent tell her first graders that they should develop self steam like in the story of the Little Engine that Could. I later and in private told her about the E parts and she was mortified but I told her that her analogy was pretty good. Anyway, something really scary happened  to me this morning. My driveway descends right into a busy state route which is the fastest way into town and to the MetroNorth station. Needless to say, it is pretty busy at 7:30 AM. As I am backing out on a slight incline, my breaks stop working and the engine stops and I spill into two way traffic, cars dodge me somehow, and I end up inches from the giant tree in my neighbor’s front yard across the street. During those moments of sheer panic, My only thoughts were: Those drivers are going to be so mad if I bang their car, They must think I’m an idiot. Ray is going to be so upset, I’m going to ruin Mag’s Costa Rica Vacation if I get hurt.Thank goodness I did not total my neighbor’s fence.Not a single thought dedicated to I hope I’m alright, or I don’t want to get hurt. My car would not start after several tries until all of a sudden it did. My first impulse was to pull back into the driveway, go inside and never come out again, But instead I turned left and headed for the shala because I knew it would take days for me to turn back the ignition again if I got out of the car then. Maybe half a dozen dangerous or horrible comparable and sometimes emotionally worse episodes than this one have happened to me so far but I never tell anyone. I did not tell my parents when I lived at home, Did not tell my roommates when I lived with them, or my coworkers. Today I am going to tell everyone. Maybe that way I will start caring about what happens to me first and right after that worry about how inconvenienced everyone else is going to be.

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